The Football Player is actually John A.J. DiBaggio, the worst football player ever. He was so bad that he never kicked the football; he just ran with it. However, the ladies liked him, so he stayed. His career came to an end when, one day, he found the running-backs with his wife, so he killed them. After a long trial and overwhelming evidence against him, he was found innocent. A few years afterwards, it was revealed that some of the jurors were bribed by Mental, who liked him a lot and couldn't bear to see one of his heroes thrown in jail. It is rumored that he can be found on Sirius, training Mental's sons on how to play football.
The Football Player has two attacks; charge towards you and kick their football at their target. He will usually prefer to charge you, but will occasionally kick a football at the target in the distance.